Question:-
1. If a person gives one of his children a car, then does he have to give the other child cash, equivalent to the value of the car? Or, he doesn’t have to give the other child since he is financially well-to-do?
2. If you, as a parent, give one child that has five children, R100 000.00, but gives the other child that has one child R30 000.00, are you required to give the difference of R70 000 to the child with one child?
3. Are you permitted to call one child to have a private discussion with him whilst your wife and other children are present in the gathering?
4. If a husband invests a certain amount for his wife, then can he ask her to pay from her investment for anything that she purchases, or must he pay for everything? The wife and children are feeling offended and hurt!
Answer:-
The Fuqaha have written that if one intends gifting his wealth and assets to his children during his lifetime, then it is Mustahab to be equal to one’s children (irrespective of whether they are male or female). However, if one affords a little extra to a particular child due to his/her needs, physical inability or illness, then there is no harm in doing so. Yes, if one affords or gives preference to a certain child, or some of his children, in order to deprive others, then being equal to all in this instance, will become Waajib (obligatory).
Majority of the scholars have stated that to maintain equality amongst one’s children is Mustahab. If some children are given preference over others, then the gifting will be in order, but the act of giving preference to a particular child over others (without a valid reason as explained above) is Makrooh.
وعنه يجوز التفاضل إن كان له سبب كأن يحتاج الولد لِزَمَانَتِهِ ودينه أو نحو ذلك دون الباقين وقال أبو يوسف تجب التسوية إن قصد بالتفضيل الإضرار وذهب الجمهور إلى أن التسوية مستحبة فإن فضل بعضا صح وكره واستحبت المبادرة إلى التسوية أو الرجوع فحملوا الأمر على الندب والنهي على التنزيه (فتح الباري 59 ج5)
1. Now coming your query, if a particular child is given a car (and not the other) as he is in need of a vehicle, then there is no harm for the parent to do so, as long as the intention was not to harm the other child. If, on the other hand, both children are financially well to do, then equality should be maintained or else the preferential treatment afforded to one child will be considered as Makrooh.
2. In the second scenario, it seems that the child with five children is in need, hence, the extra funds are given to assist the parent, whereas, the one with one child doesn’t have such a huge expense. Therefore, affording preferential treatment to the one with five children (in this instance) seems to be in order.
3.
عن عبد الله رضي الله عنه: قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: «إذا كنتم ثلاثة، فلا يتناجى رجلان دون الآخر حتى تختلطوا بالناس، أجل أن يحزنه (صحيح البخاري ص65 ج8)
Abdullah Bin Umar Radiallahu Anhu narrates that Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, “When three of you are together, then two people shouldn’t speak privately without the third, unless you are joined with others, as (by doing so) you will grieve him (the third person).” It is possible that the third person will be hurt due to thinking that the two are discussing him.
However, it is recorded in a narration of Abu Dawud Sharif that Ibn Umar Radiallahu Anhu was asked, “What about (a gathering of) four people?” He replied, “There is no harm (in two people having a private conversation).”
It seems from your query that there were more than three people present when the parent called out a particular child to discuss the matter, hence, from a Shari’ee perspective there is no problem in doing so.
However, if the remaining children feel offended or hurt, then it will be better for the parents not to do so in their presence. The matter should be discussed at a later stage in privacy with that particular child, so that jealousy and malice is not created amongst the siblings. This is, however, offered as advice to maintain peace and unity amongst family members, and not as a ruling of Shariah.
4. The husband is responsible for providing his wife with food, clothing, accommodation and a monthly expenditure which is based on his financial standing. Besides these basic requirements, he is not responsible for providing her with luxuries in their various forms such as, vacations, luxury cosmetics etc. In conclusion, if after fulfilling her basic needs, he requests her to spend from her savings or investments (that he has given her) on luxury items, or any of her personal needs, then there is no harm in doing so.
وتجب للزوجة على زوجها إذا سلمت إليه نفسها في منزله نفقتها وكسوتها وسكناها (الاختيار لتعليل المختار ص3 ج4)
ولهن عليكم رزقهن وكسوتهن بالمعروف» ، وقال – عليه الصلاة والسلام – لهند امرأة أبي سفيان: «خذي من مال زوجك ما يكفيك وولدك بالمعروف» ، ولولا وجوبها عليه لما أمرها بذلك.
وسبب وجوبها احتباسها عند الزوج إذا كان يتهيأ له الاستمتاع وطئا أو دواعيه أو التحصين لمائه بعد زوال النكاح لأنها لما صارت محبوسة عنده في حقه عجزت عن الاكتساب والإنفاق على نفسها، فلو لم تستحق النفقة عليه لماتت جوعا. (الاختيار لتعليل المختار ص3 ج4)
ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Mohammed Desai
Date: 21 Rajab 1443 / 23 February 2022
