Mother accidentally touching her child without lust
Question:-
Sometimes, children have the habit of coming to their parent’s bed in the middle of the night. At times, the parents will tell them to return to their own bed, whilst at other times, the parents may be too tired to say anything. At what age should children sleep separately from their parents?
One child sleeps in his own room and sleeps in his own bed. However, on a particular night the child came to the parents bed. One of the parents had not yet gone to bed, so when the parent returned to the bedroom it was pitch black. They didn’t expect their child to be in the bed.
Whilst the parent tried getting into bed, they used their hand to feel where the bed is, so they don’t end up falling on the floor. For this, they ended up touching the husband, to make sure it isn’t the edge of the bed.
At that stage the parent may have silently stated, Oh! that’s nice legs (out of love, and not Shahwah). The reason for not switching on the light is that the husband has to work in the morning, so they didn’t want to disturb him by putting the light on. They then realized that it is their child and not the husband. The warmth of the skin was not felt as the child had clothing on, nor did they have intention of anything sexual. Just a thought of, “Oh! that’s my husband’s leg,” without any sexual connotations.
What is the ruling on this? And how can one avoid this situation? Children are known to come to their parent’s room in the middle of the night and parents are also fast asleep because they are tired. This isn’t the normal time for any sexual activity for the parents as they have a baby or several kids.
Answer:-
According to the Hadith Sharif, a child should not share the bed with his parents or other siblings once he/she has reached the age of ten. However, there is also a view in the Madhab which states that they should not be sharing the same bed (with parents, siblings etc.) when they reach the age of six. This seems to be a more cautious view, particularly in this day and age, since children are exposed to a great deal of immorality and the mindset of many adults is also corrupt.
In the queried scenario, there was no lust as you stated and neither was the heat of the body felt, hence, the marital bond between husband and wife remains intact. However, the children should proceed to their bedroom at night instead of falling off to sleep in their parent’s room. Secondly, once the parents are in bed, they should keep the bedroom door locked so that children do not enter during the late hours of the night. In fact, it is incorrect for them to be creeping in during the late hours of the night (without consent) as it is possible that the spouses are inappropriately dressed at the time, or intimate with each other.
اذَا بَلَغَ الصَّبِيُّ أَوْ الصَّبِيَّةُ عَشْرَ سِنِينَ يَجِبُ التَّفْرِيقُ بَيْنَهُمَا بَيْنَ أَخِيهِ وَأُخْتِهِ وَأُمِّهِ وَأَبِيهِ فِي الْمَضْجَعِ لِقَوْلِهِ – عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ – وَفَرِّقُوا بَيْنَهُمْ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ عَشْرٍ وَفِي النُّتَفِ إذَا بَلَغُوا سِتًّا كَذَا فِي الْمُجْتَبَى (الدر المختار ص382 ج6)
قَالَ فِي الشِّرْعَةِ وَيُفَرَّقُ بَيْنَ الصِّبْيَانِ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ إذَا بَلَغُوا عَشْرَ سِنِينَ، وَيَحُولُ بَيْنَ ذُكُورِ الصِّبْيَانِ وَالنِّسْوَانِ وَبَيْنَ الصِّبْيَانِ وَالرِّجَالِ فَإِنَّ ذَلِكَ دَاعِيَةٌ إلَى الْفِتْنَةِ وَلَوْ بَعْدَ حِينٍ اهـ وَفِي الْبَزَّازِيَّةِ إذَا بَلَغَ الصَّبِيُّ عَشْرًا لَا يَنَامُ مَعَ أُمِّهِ وَأُخْتِهِ وَامْرَأَةٍ إلَّا بِامْرَأَتِهِ أَوْ جَارِيَتِهِ اهـ فَالْمُرَادُ التَّفْرِيقُ بَيْنَهُمَا عِنْدَ النَّوْمِ خَوْفًا مِنْ الْوُقُوعِ فِي الْمَحْذُورِ، فَإِنَّ الْوَلَدَ إذَا بَلَغَ عَشْرًا عَقَلَ الْجِمَاعَ، وَلَا دِيَانَةَ لَهُ تَرُدُّهُ فَرُبَّمَا وَقَعَ عَلَى أُخْتِهِ أَوْ أُمِّهِ، فَإِنَّ النَّوْمَ وَقْتُ رَاحَةٍ مُهَيِّجٌ لِلشَّهْوَةِ وَتَرْتَفِعُ فِيهِ الثِّيَابُ عَنْ الْعَوْرَةِ مِنْ الْفَرِيقَيْنِ، فَيُؤَدِّي إلَى الْمَحْظُورِ وَإِلَى الْمُضَاجَعَةِ الْمُحَرَّمَةِ خُصُوصًا فِي أَبْنَاءِ هَذَا الزَّمَانِ فَإِنَّهُمْ يَعْرِفُونَ الْفِسْقَ أَكْثَرَ مِنْ الْكِبَارِ. (الدر المختار ص382 ج6)
ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Mohammed Desai
Date: 19 Safar 1444 / 16 September 2022