Parents holding back their children from visiting their grandparents
Question:-
My son and daughter-in-law refuse to allow our grandchildren to visit us. What would the Shari’ee ruling be in this regard?
Answer:-
We are human beings and naturally, we tend to become upset at times when things are against our temperament, or if we get caught up in some sort of an argument. Therefore, Shariah has afforded us a three-day period to calm down and resolve our matters. There are a number of narrations that discuss the virtues of joining family ties, some of which we have listed below.
In one narration Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, “Whoever loves that his sustenance and lifespan be increased, then he should join family ties.” [Re:- Bukhari Pg.885 Vol.2]
In another narration of Musnad-e-Ahmad, Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, “Find out your family lineage due to which you will be able to join family ties, for verily joining family ties is a means of (creating) love in the family, abundance in wealth and increase in lifespan.” [Re:- Musnad Ahmad Pg.69 Vol.3 – Hadith no.865]
Yet another narration of Musnad Ahmad states that a person that desires that an evil death is removed from him, he should fear Allah and join family ties. [Re:- Musnad Ahmad Pg.231 Vol.1 – Hadith no.1217]
The narration of Saheeh Ibn Hibban states that the quickest way of attaining reward is by joining family ties to the extent that, a family may be sinful yet their wealth and numbers keep increasing due to joining family ties; no family that joins family ties will ever be in need. [Saheeh Ibn Hibban Pg.240 Vol.1]
Imaam Abu Hamza Rahimahullah states that joining family ties can be done in the following ways:
- By helping one’s family at the time of need.
- By trying to remove a difficulty that the family may be involved in.
- Meeting one’s family with a smiling face.
- By making Dua for one’s family.
[Re:- Asmaa’ul Husna Pg.307 Vol.2]
Hadrat Uqbah Bin Aamir Radiallahu Anhu says, “I met Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam and he told me, ‘Join family ties with those that severe relations with you, give those that withhold from you and forgive those that have oppressed you,’.” [Re:- Musnad Ahmad]
Just as there are great benefits recorded in the Hadith for joining family ties, the harms of severing family relations are extremely detrimental. It is recorded in a narration of Bukhari and Muslim that it is not permissible for a person to stop talking to his brother for more than three days.
It is recorded in a narration of Abu Dawud Sharif that Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, “It is not permissible to stop talking to one’s brother more than three days; when they meet (each other) then one turns in one direction and the other in a different direction, but the better of the two is the one that initiates Salaam.” [Abu Dawud Pg.272 Vol.7] Another narration states, (if one party greets) and the other party responds to the greeting, then both will be partners in reward, but if he doesn’t respond to the Salaam, then he has returned with the sin. [Abu Dawud Pg.273 Vol.7] Yet another narration states, greet the person thrice but if he doesn’t respond, then he has returned with the sin.” [Abu Dawud Pg.273 Vol.7]
Hadrat Abu Hurairah Radiallahu Anhu narrates that Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, “It is not permissible to stop talking to one’s brother more than three days. Whoever stops talking to his brother more than three days and passes away, then he will enter the fire of Jahannam.” [Abu Dawud Pg.274 Vol.7]
It is clearly understood from the above narrations that severing family ties is a serious matter that will eventually harm a person in various ways such as, decrease in sustenance, loss of blessings in the home which could result in disputes and quarrels between spouses, or between parents and children, illnesses etc. and eventually a person is entered into the fire of Jahannam.
It is recorded in Fataawa Darul Uloom Deoband on page.514 Vol.16, that it is not permissible for a parent to prohibit his children from interacting with their grandparents without a valid Shari’ee reason. Hadrat Maulana Aziz-ur-Rahman Saheb Rahimahullah has further written that in such an instance (where they are prohibited from interacting with their grandparents), it is not permissible for the children to obey their parents and get involved in such an action that is against Shariah.
In conclusion, we should resolve our matters in the world and unite with our families. The starting point can be with Salaam, smiling with each other, expressing happiness on seeing our family members, keeping our hearts clean, refraining from backbiting, exchanging of gifts, extending an invitation to them with the proviso that the Dawat is within the confines of the Shariah etc. May Allah Ta’ala grant us all the ability to solve our matters before leaving the world. Ameen!
ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Mohammed Desai
Date: 27 Rabi-ul-Aakhir 1444 / 22 November 2022