Refusing to fulfil the conjugal rights of one’s husband

QUESTION:-

We have been taught that a woman will be cursed by the angels if she refuses to fulfil her husband’s conjugal rights. However, what if, for example, she is tired, or she is unwell, or she is in pain; will it be wrong to politely decline her husband his right?

ANSWER:-

Islam has afforded rights to both spouses. With regards to the wife, Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said:

لَوْ كُنْتُ آمِرًا أَحَدًا أَنْ يَسْجُدَ لِغَيْرِ اللَّهِ لَأَمَرْتُ الْمَرْأَةَ أَنْ تَسْجُدَ لِزَوْجِهَا (مشكاة المصابيح)

If I had commanded any person to make Sajdah to anyone besides Allah, then I would have commanded the wife to make Sajdah to her husband.

Undoubtedly, the wife should respect and honour her husband, and fulfil his conjugal rights. Similarly, the husband should fulfil her rights, as mentioned in the Hadith Sharif. When Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam was asked, “What is the right of the wife of any of us on him?”, he replied, “That you feed her when you eat, clothe her when you wear clothing, do not hit her on the face, do not insult her and do not separate from her except in the house.”

However, the jurists have written that the wife shouldn’t be harmed in fulfilling her husband’s conjugal rights. For example, if the wife is being harmed due to the husband wanting to be intimate very often, then it will not be permissible for him to demand more than her ability. Similarly, if she is unwell, or in pain, or extremely exhausted, and by him demanding his conjugal rights she will be harmed, then it will not be correct for him to demand intimacy at such a time. She should inform him of her condition and politely request him to excuse her. However, the wife should remember that Allah Ta’ala is fully aware of her condition and intentions. Hence, she should not use her illness as an excuse to refuse him (his conjugal rights), whereas she is refusing him for some other reason such as being upset with him. If she unjustly refuses him his conjugal rights, then she will be worthy of the curse of the angels.

وَعَنْ حَكِيمِ بْنِ مُعَاوِيَةَ الْقُشَيْرِيِّ عَنْ أَبِيهِ قَالَ: قُلْتُ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَا حَقُّ زَوْجَةِ أَحَدِنَا عَلَيْهِ؟ قَالَ: «أَنْ تُطْعِمَهَا إِذَا طَعِمْتَ وَتَكْسُوَهَا إِذَا اكْتَسَيْتَ وَلَا تَضْرِبِ الْوَجْهَ وَلَا تُقَبِّحْ وَلَا تَهْجُرْ إِلَّا فِي الْبَيْتِ» . رَوَاهُ أَحْمد وَأَبُو دَاوُد وَابْن مَاجَه

ولو تضررت من كثرة جماعه لم تجز الزيادة على قدرة طاقتها .. لا يحل له وطؤها بما يودي الي اضرارها

(شامي ج٤ ص٣٨١-٣٨٠)

ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!

ANSWERED BY:-

Maulana Ahmed Saeed

Date: 11 Dhul Qa’dah 1444 / 01 June 2023

CHECKED AND APPROVED BY:-

Mufti Mohammed Desai