Question:-
When does a husband lose his Qawwama (charge or authority over women)? I heard many Sheikhs tell women that are oppressed by their husbands due to not receiving maintenance or being physically abused that they should still respect their husbands and obey them because their rights are great. I’m confused as how can someone that physically abused his wife or doesn’t provide for his wife still have rights, whilst women on other hand lose their alimony if they commit any form of Nushooz (disobedience)?
Answer:-
Firstly, you need to understand the meaning of the verse wherein Allah Ta’ala states, ‘Men have charge over women because of the virtue that Allah has bestowed some of you with over others and because of what they spend from their wealth.’ [Surah Nisaa, Verse 34]
Hadrat Hasan Rahimahullah states in regards to the revelation of this verse that a certain person smacked his wife. The wife came to Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam with her family (who after listening to her stated) that there will be retribution, meaning that the wife should slap the husband in return. It is on this occasion that the above verse was revealed. After the revelation of this verse Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam stated, “We intended something (to revenge the husband) and Allah Ta’ala intended something else.” [Tafseer Anwar-ul-Bayaan Pg.495 Vol.1]
The above verse clearly states that men enjoy authority and charge over women due to two reasons. The first reason cited in the Quraan Sharif is that Allah Ta’ala has granted virtue to some over others. (In other words, this is the decision of Allah Ta’ala that men have been afforded authority over women. Further, Allah Ta’ala has blessed men with a far deeper understanding than women, whilst females experience ups and downs in their thinking most of the time. They very easily tend to become emotional, and blow matters out of proportion. Also, men generally understand the gravity of conditions that prevail, whilst females are deficient in their intelligence, hence their thinking cannot reach where the thinking of men reach.) Therefore, in a domestic issue, the opinion of the man is generally considered, and one will have to act according to his advice. Females are under men and will have to obey them.
Secondly, men enjoy charge and authority over women due to them spending their wealth over women. They are required provide shelter, food, clothing, etc. hence they should obey their instructions. This is the demand of sound intelligence.
In conclusion, a male never loses his authority over the wife due to the reasons cited above. Yes, if the husband oppresses the wife in any way such as not spending on the wife, or oppressively beating her, then he will be liable in the court of Almighty Allah. He may escape in the world, but justice will prevail in the hereafter where he will pay for his injustices with his good deeds. The good deeds of the oppressor will be transferred to the oppressed, and if the oppressor’s good deeds are exhausted then the evil deeds of the oppressed will be transferred to the oppressor. In conclusion, there is no escape from oppression, in fact many face the disastrous consequence of their oppression in this very world.
The only time that the husband is not required to maintain his wife is when she leaves the matrimonial home without the husband’s consent and resides elsewhere. If there is any other form of disobedience such as the wife not complying to the instructions of the husband, or disrespecting him, etc. then despite such disobedience, it remains the duty of the husband to maintain her fully. It is a different matter that she will be sinful for her incorrect attitude.
Further, it is not as you have put it forward, that the husband is not required to maintain the wife if she is disobedient. It is only in one instance that he is exempted from maintaining her which we have mentioned above. We assume that there was some misunderstanding in this matter which we hope is now clarified.
ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Mohammed Desai
Date: 06 Jumadal Ukhra 1445 / 19 December 2023
