Question:-
I have a question with regards to the talking stage of the marriage process. Can I ask the potential spouse the following:
1. Past relationships: Have you ever been in a relationship before? (Halaal or Haraam)
2. How do you interact with the opposite gender? Do you shake their hands? etc.
3. Do you have friends of the opposite gender or hang out with the opposite gender?
4. Have you ever kissed the opposite gender?
5. Have you ever committed zina?
6. What is the islamic perspective on asking about past relationships and zina etc.? We are taught to hide our sins but at the same time past relationships and history can affect a marriage which is why it may be important to discuss
These are the questions I had in mind to ask a potential spouse.
Answer:-
When going to see a girl for marriage, Shariah has permitted the boy to take a cursory glance at the girl and nothing more. The boy is not permitted to sit and chat with the girl. One may say that in our times we fear that the girl may have been in a previous relationship, hence we require clarity on the issue. In most probability, a girl intending marriage will not disclose her faults even if questioned, as she too wants to settle down in life, hence the questioning is futile. On the other hand, if she discloses her faults, and we still marry her because of her beauty or wealth etc., then we will doubt her integrity throughout our life. This will obviously make life miserable and very soon one will end up terminating the marriage.
Secondly, it is a bounty of Allah Ta’ala that he has concealed our faults otherwise very few couples would have been married in the world. Every person possesses both good and evil qualities, hence appreciate the good and overlook the faults. If people were to know of all your weaknesses, would anyone offer their daughter to you? Thus, consider the covering of Almighty Allah a bounty and don’t tear it.
The next question that arises, how would we then know that we are choosing the correct partner? We are taught to make Istikhaarah and turn to Allah. The guidance that we receive directly from Allah Ta’ala is absolutely accurate without any doubt whatsoever. If the girl is a threat or danger, this will be indicated to us in our Istikhaarah Insha’Allah and if he she is a blessing then this too will be indicated to us in the Istikhaarah. There is no harm in enquiring about the girl from family and friends.
In conclusion, there is absolutely no need to pose the prepared questions to the girl, nor is it permissible to engage in conversation with her unnecessarily before marriage. Also, keep in mind that we are all accountable in the court of Allah Ta’ala on the day of Qiyaamah. Would we like to be questioned or forgiven?
ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Mohammed Desai
Date: 05 Rajab 1445 / 17 January 2024
