Marital Advice
QUESTION:
I am married for 3 years but I am disgruntled with the behaviour of my wife. I go to work everyday but I also have the responsibility to cook and clean in the house. To the best of my ability, I provide for my wife but she is demanding and becomes verbally abusive when her demands are not met. I live with my parents due to financial reasons and the availability of getting my own place is not readily available. I am sick and tired of my problems in this marriage. I feel as though I am a man and woman all together. If I lend assistance to my parents or I spend some time with them, she gets agitated. She doesn’t encourage any Deeni interests of mine and disobeys me. She is unproductive and spends her time on social media. Her anger is also an issue. Please advise.
ANSWER:
May Allah Ta’ala grant you ease, patience, and Barakah in your marriage. Marriage can be one of the greatest blessings bestowed us, but it may also be one of the greatest tests. Every marriage experience moments of difficulty. The difficulties you are facing do not necessarily mean your marriage has failed. Rather, they may be an opportunity to draw closer to Allah Ta’ala, develop patience, and strengthen your relationship if approached correctly.
Allah Ta’ala describes marriage as follows:
﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ﴾ (الروم: 21)
“Among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.”
In the above Aayah, Allah Ta’ala mentions mercy alongside love, because there are times when emotions fluctuate, but the presence of mercy, forgiveness, and kindness are what keep a marriage together.
Consider the following Hadith:
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Tirmidhi #3895)
Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam also said:
لاَ يَفْرَكْ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَرَ
“A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one characteristic in her, he should be pleased with another.” (Muslim #1469)
The above Hadith teaches us not to focus only on faults but also on the many good qualities our spouse possesses.
Before focusing on your spouse’s shortcomings, sincerely reflect on the following:
1. Have I fulfilled the rights Allah Ta’ala has placed upon me?
2. Have I spoken kindly?
3. Have I overlooked her mistakes?
4. Have I made sincere Du’a for my spouse?
5. Have I sought Allah Ta’ala’s forgiveness for my own shortcomings?
Furthermore, many marital conflicts arise not because of major issues but because of poor communication. Hence, it is of utmost importance that you should choose an appropriate time to discuss issues where both spouses should be calm, avoid raising your voice, insulting, humiliating, or bringing up past mistakes unnecessarily.
Also bear in mind that one of the aspects that causes Shaytaan to become elated is when there is discord between the spouses. Don’t ever allow Shaytaan to divide you.
Consider the following Hadith:
إِنَّ إِبْلِيسَ يَضَعُ عَرْشَهُ عَلَى الْمَاءِ ثُمَّ يَبْعَثُ سَرَايَاهُ فَأَدْنَاهُمْ مِنْهُ مَنْزِلَةً أَعْظَمُهُمْ فِتْنَةً يَجِيءُ أَحَدُهُمْ فَيَقُولُ فَعَلْتُ كَذَا وَكَذَا فَيَقُولُ مَا صَنَعْتَ شَيْئًا قَالَ ثُمَّ يَجِيءُ أَحَدُهُمْ فَيَقُولُ مَا تَرَكْتُهُ حَتَّى فَرَّقْتُ بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَ امْرَأَتِهِ – قَالَ – فَيُدْنِيهِ مِنْهُ وَيَقُولُ نِعْمَ أَنْتَ ”
“Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension) ; the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says, ‘I did so and so,’ and Iblis says, ‘You have done nothing!’ Then one amongst them comes and says, ‘I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife,’.”(Muslim #6755)
Whenever disagreements occur, then remember that shaytaan seeks to inflame anger and destroy homes. Hence, the best solution is, when there is a discord, to move away and not respond. Moreover, fulfilling of rights is a prerequisite for a functional, happy home and marriage. Sitting with the cell phone the entire day will definitely have a negative impact on the behaviour and fulfilling of rights.
In conclusion, perform two Rakaats of Salaatul Haajat and make Dua to Allah Ta’ala to kindle the love and affection in your marriage. If the problems continue, you may seek marital counselling from a senior Aalim / Jamiat in your area, where both of you are present, to put forward the grievances and seek an amicable solution.
May Allah Ta’ala remove every hardship from your marriage, replace anger with mercy, resentment with forgiveness, and grant both spouses the ability to fulfil one another’s rights according to the Quraan Sharif and the Sunnah, Aameen!
ALLAH TA’ALA ALONE IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Abdul Kader Fazlani
Date: 22 Safar 1448 / 06 August 2026
CHECKED AND APPROVED BY:
Mufti Yacoob Vally Saheb