Qualities in a Potential Spouse

QUESTION:

I have met, and I am speaking to a man (in a Halaal way). In terms of personality and character, he is very nice and has a lot of characteristics that I like. However, I do not feel attracted to him. I have been told that attraction is important too. May I ask, is it possible to develop attraction based on character alone? What if I take my time to make a decision (praying Istikharah and asking necessary questions) and thereafter, I still am not attracted to the person. Is it wasting his time because I was not attracted from the start? I also do not want to turn someone away purely based on attraction.

ANSWER:

A narration of Tirmidhi states:

عن أبي هريرة قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد عريض (رواه الترمذي)

It has been narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah Radiallahu Anhu that Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasllam said, “When a person whose Deen and character you are pleased with proposes to you (O the guardians), then get him married (to your daughters), for if you do not do so, it will result in the spreading of evil and corruption in the earth”.

From the above Hadith we understand that one should attach importance to the character of a person, as this is the most important aspect in terms of Deen. Similarly, another narration states that a male should select a wife with Deen. We advise you to make Istikhaarah and you will be guided Insha’Allah. Allah Ta’ala is the one that creates love and bonds hearts, hence he will bond the hearts if you are meant for each other. However, you should refrain from speaking to him as it is not permissible to do so.

ALLAH TA’ALA IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST!

ANSWERED BY:

Molana Ahmed Saeed

CHECKED AND APPROVED BY:

Mufti Mohammed Desai

Date: 04 Dhul Hijjah 1445 / 11 June 2024