Satisfying one’s spouse

Question:-

Due to illness and surgery I am unable to engage in sexual relations with my spouse.

1. How do I satisfy her desires in such circumstances?

2. Will it be permissible to use sex toys?

3. Can we engage in oral sex?

4. Can my wife have the marriage annulled?

Answer:-

1. The wife may rub against the husband’s body and thereby reach climax. There is no harm in doing so.

میاں بیوی کا ایک دوسرے کے بدن کو لمس کرنا درست ہے اور لمس میں اگر انزال ہوجائے تو کوئی گناہ نہیں ہے  – محمودیہ ص۱۴۳ ج۲۹

الاصبع ليس اٰلته للجماع (شامي ص504 ج1)

2. Sex toys are definitely items of immodesty which is against the grain of our Deen. Our Deen promotes Hayaa and modesty in all matters to the extent that Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, “Hayaa and Imaan are inseparable qualities. When one is removed then the other will also be removed.’ When a person loses his shame and modesty then there is a fear of him losing his Imaan.

Our object of life is the Ibaadat of Allah Ta’ala which has been indicated towards in various verses of the Quraan Sharif. Whilst fulfilling this primary objective of life there are a number of things that have been created for the benefit of mankind, whereby the human being may derive some level of enjoyment, and if done in accordance to the Shariah and Sunnah, then not only does it remain a means of pure enjoyment, but one is even rewarded in the court of Allah Ta’ala.

Now, the objective of intercourse is procreation, which is understood from the Hadith of Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam wherein he states, “Marry (women) that are loving and capable of bearing off-spring, as it is through you that I will increase my Ummah.” Together with this objective is the enjoyment and pleasure attached to it.

Unfortunately, we have turned the tables and considered pleasure as the primary objective while the actual objective is not given a second thought. This is the result of the immorality and filth been advertised on social media, television, bill boards, magazines etc. and this has now infiltrated our minds. It is for this reason that aging people desire to look younger, more attractive, even if it means undergoing some type of procedure in acquiring their goals and objectives. May Allah Ta’ala grant us the understanding! Ameen!

In the queried scenario, we assume that the couple in question are already old as generally such a procedure is carried out on older men. If this is case, then this is the time to prepare for the Aakhirah and endeavour to please Allah Ta’ala more than concentrating on sexual gratification, as perhaps a major portion of our lives has already been spent in fulfilling our desires.

Our explanation above should not be misconstrued or misunderstood. We are not saying that a person should not fulfil his/her desires. We are saying that we are within our rights to fulfil our desires (when there is a necessity and need) but purely in a manner prescribed in Shariah, so we shouldn’t go to extreme lengths in deriving sexual gratification thereby using immoral tools and devices initiated by the disbelievers.

3. Oral sex is Makrooh-e-Tahreemi in terms of the Shari’ee ruling but the practical implementation of the act is impermissible (Haraam), hence one should refrain from it. If both spouses are party to the oral sex then both are sinful.

                                

اذا ادخل الرجل ذكره في فم امراته قد قيل يكره (عالمكيري ص372 ج5)

یہ عمل مکروہ تحریمی ہے  – محمودیہ ص142 ج29

4. If the man had already engaged in sexual relations with his wife in the past and even satisfied her, then she cannot file for annulment of the marriage before the Muslim Judge or an annulment committee. The woman shouldn’t be so base and stoop to such an ebb, that she requests divorce on the basis of not being sexually satisfied, particularly if the husband had been satisfying her for a good portion of her life. This is now the time to support him when he is experiencing a medical condition.

However, if he knows that his wife has plenty of desire and would resort to Haraam if she remains unsatisfied due to not having sex in a particular manner (which she demands), and insists on divorce, then he should opt for divorce. Allah Ta’ala will suffice him.

ويسقط حقها بمرة ويجب ديانة احيانا ولا يبلغ مدة الايلاء الا برضاها ويؤمر المتعبد بصحبتها احيانا (رد المحتار)

اگر وہ  عنین ہے اس میں جماع کی طاقت نہیں ۔ بیوی کا حق ادا نہیں کرسکتا ہے تو اسکو طلاق دیدے تاکہ وہ اپنا   دوسرا انتظام کرلے محمودیہ ص۱۴۴ ج۲۹

ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!

ANSWERED BY:

Mufti Mohammed Desai

Date: 02 Jumadal Ukhra 1443 / 05 January 2022