Children not prepared to take care of their elderly mother

Question:-

My concern is my 92 year old grandmother who is currently staying on her own.

She has 3 sons all of whom are financially secure enough to look after her, however they are not willing to take her into their homes. She is forced to stay alone with a domestic worker who ill treats her. Her sons don’t have the courage to stand up to their wives and bring their mother into their home. One of the sons even mentioned that they can’t wait for her to die.

She is also hardly visited by her sons and one of them hasn’t seen her for 40 years.

I would like to take her in. However, I have 3 young children under the age of 4 and my wife and I will not be able to look after her.

I would like to know what are the rights of mother over a child, and what are the relevant Ahaadith which discuss the importance of a mother.

I would also like to know if from an Islamic point of view, it is permissible to go against your wife and bring your mother into your home?

Answer:-

It is indeed very unfortunate that the three sons are not prepared to attend to the needs of their elderly mother. They have an opportunity of serving her and thereby acquiring her Duas, which will greatly benefit them in this world and the hereafter. The presence of their mother in their homes will be a source of great blessings; hence, they should share the responsibility equally, by each one taking a turn to attend to the needs of their mother. When it is their respective turn to attend to her, then they should keep their mother with them in their homes, and they could hire helpers to assist with her needs if they are unable to attend to her all the time.

 

It is recorded in a narration that Allah Ta’ala will forgive whatever He wishes from the sins (of a servant) committed on the day of Qiyaamah, except (the sin of) disobedience to parents. Allah Ta’ala will make the perpetrator (suffer the consequence of his actions) in his lifetime before death.

 

Hadrat Abdullah Bin Amr Radiallahu Anhu narrates that a man came to Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I intend making Jihaad.” Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam asked, “Do you have parents?” He said, “Yes!” Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, “Then go and make Jihaad in them (by serving them).”

 

Yet in another narration of Abdullah Bin Amr Radiallahu Anhu, it is recorded that a man came to Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam to pledge allegiance to him upon Hijrah whilst he had accepted Islam. He said, “I left my parents crying.” Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, “Return to them and make them smile as you made them cry.” Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam refused to make Hijrat with him.

 

In conclusion, the harm of disobedience to parents is disastrous. We, therefore, suggest that the brothers take turns in serving their elderly mother under whose feet lies Jannah. They should explain to their wives that it is their desire to serve their mother just as their mother had served them and took care of them. They may request their wives to assist them in fulfilling their duty towards their mother, and if they are not willing to do so, then they may hire helpers to assist them. May Allah Ta’ala guide us all. Ameen!

 

عَنْ أَبِي بَكْرَةَ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: كُلُّ الذُّنُوبِ يَغْفِرُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مِنْهَا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ مَا شَاءَ، إِلَّا عُقُوقَ الْوَالِدَيْنِ، يَجْعَلُهُ اللَّهُ لِصَاحِبِهِ فِي الْحَيَاةِ قَبْلَ الْمَمَاتِ

 

عنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو قَالَ جَاءَ رَجُلٌ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أُجَاهِدُ فقَالَ “لَكَ أَبَوَانِ” قَالَ نَعَمْ قَالَ “ففيهما فجاهد (ابن حبان)

 

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو أَنَّ رَجُلًا أَتَى النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُبَايِعُهُ عَلَى الْهِجْرَةِ وَقَدْ أَسْلَمَ وَقَالَ قَدْ تَرَكْتُ أَبَوَيَّ يَبْكِيَانِ “قَالَ ارْجِعْ إِلَيْهِمَا فَأَضْحِكْهُمَا كَمَا أَبْكَيْتَهُمَا” وَأَبَى أَنْ يخرج معه (ابن حبان)

ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!

ANSWERED BY:

Mufti Mohammed Desai

Date: 10 Jumadal Ula 1444 / 05 December 2022