Question:-
I am young girl from India with a younger brother. Our parents are married for more than 27 years.
I am writing to you as my brother and I are very disturbed. Our parents have a mentally abusive relationship which has adversely affected my brother and I. My father has doubts about my mother being involved with another man, which is actually baseless. He has tortured my mother, which has resulted in her becoming very weak physically, emotionally and mentally. When it comes to my brother and I, he talks to us when he is in the mood of doing so. He has abandoned me in the past month since my engagement broke off from the boy’s side.
Alhamdulillah, he fulfills his worldly duties towards us in a way that anyone outside the family will see as an ideal man. Only the three of us know the reality behind the curtain. We have tried a lot to mend things in the family by talking to him and understanding if we are wrong, so that we may correct things, but nothing works. For the past 7-8 years this has been going on. None of us know what happiness is, because we are either very scared to speak to him or we are tired of his behaviour.
My question is, will it be permissible for my mom to ask for a separation / divorce from my dad due to her suffering so much. We lost our maternal and paternal grandparents last year, as well as my younger sister. Since then, my mom has been very sad, and on top of that my dad makes her life even more miserable.
I think the separation will be good for us all as we are tired of the daily drama that happens in the house. Please guide us on this. We’re really troubled and need some help.
Answer:-
It is certainly difficult for us to comment on the matter since we are based in South Africa. It will be better to refer the matter to some local Ulama in your town or province. However, we will suffice on stating that, the most hated from amongst the Halaal things is Talaaq, but if the husband is wrongly accusing his wife of being involved in Haraam relationships and thereby making her life unbearable, or he doesn’t fulfil the rights of the wife, or he no longer desires her, or both spouses have different temperaments which result in arguments and hatred, then these are valid grounds for requesting divorce.
وأما الطلاق فإن الأصل فيه الحظر، بمعنى أنه محظور إلا لعارض يبيحه، وهو معنى قولهم الأصل فيه الحظر والإباحة للحاجة إلى الخلاص، فإذا كان بلا سبب أصلا لم يكن فيه حاجة إلى الخلاص بل يكون حمقا وسفاهة رأي ومجرد كفران النعمة وإخلاص الإيذاء بها وبأهلها وأولادها، ولهذا قالوا: إن سببه الحاجة إلى الخلاص عند تباين الأخلاق وعروض البغضاء الموجبة عدم إقامة حدود الله تعالى، (رد المحتار ص228 ج3)
ويجب اي الطلاق لو فات الامساك بالمعروف أي كأن عجز عن إقامة حقوق الزوجة، أو كان لا يشتهيها (رد المحتار ص229 ج3)
وسببه الحاجة الي الخلاص عند تباين الاخلاق (مجمع الانهر ص380 ج1)
ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:-
Mufti Mohammed Desai
Date: 13 Dhul Hijjah 1443 / 13 July 2022
