Question:-
What should a man do if he requests his wife to respect him, and to also fulfill his desires, but the wife declines and says that the husband carried out some activities previously, such as losing money in business, and exploring to get married. The wife is always angry and brings up the past and never wants to have a peaceful relationship. The wife says that she does not need to fulfill her husband’s desires as she is already hurt from his previous misdemeanours, which he has already apologized for? Is it correct for the wife to decline to fulfil the husband’s desires?
The husband has been making Sabr, but finds it challenging to hold his desires which the wife is declining to fulfil.
Answer:-
Our answer in based purely on the information submitted to us. It is incorrect for the wife to refuse her husband his conjugal rights, even though he may not have been successful in his business ventures, or he had intended remarrying in the past. These are not valid reasons (for a wife) to refuse the husband his right when he intends being intimate with her. We have been taught to overlook and forgive the errors and hurt caused by others. Allah Ta’ala states in the Quraan Sharif, “And they should forgive and pardon. Do you not like Allah to forgive you?” [Re:- Surah Noor, Verse 22]
We will all be in need of the forgiveness of Allah Ta’ala on the day of Qiyaamah. If we learn to forgive and pardon those that may have harmed us, then we can have hope of the forgiveness of Allah Ta’ala on the day of Qiyaamah. Secondly, by holding a grudge, we feel miserable all the time, whereas if we overlook and clean our hearts, then we will be at ease. Hence, our advice to your wife will be, to forget the past and move on in life as practically taught to us by Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam on the occasion of the conquest of Makkah, when he forgave the very Kuffar that drove him out of Makkah.
In one Hadith, Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said,
عن قيس بن طلق، عن أبيه طلق بن علي قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إذا الرجل دعا زوجته لحاجته فلتأته، وإن كانت على التنور
“When a man calls his wife to fulfil his need (referring to his need of intimacy), then she should come to him even though she may be at the oven (preparing meals.)”
In another Hadith he (Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam) states,
لو كنت آمراً أحداً أن يسجد لأحد لأمرت المرأة أن تسجد لزوجها، من عظم حقه عليها (ترمذي)
“If I were to command anyone to make Sajdah to anyone, then I would have commanded the woman to make Sajdah to her husband, due to his great right upon her.”
Yet another narration states,
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: “إذا دعا الرجل امرأته إلى فراشه، فأبت أن تجيء فبات غضبان لعنتها الملائكة حتى تصبح (متفق عليه)
Abu Hurairah Radiallahu Anhu narrates from Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam who said, “When a man calls his wife to his bed but she refuses to come and he spends the night angry with her, then the angels curse her until she spends the morning.”
عَن أبي هُرَيْرَة رَضِي الله عَنهُ ان رَسُول الله صلى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسلم قَالَ وَالَّذِي نَفسِي بِيَدِهِ مَا من رجل يَدْعُو امْرَأَته إِلَى فرَاشه فتأبى عَلَيْهِ إِلَّا كَانَ الَّذِي فِي السَّمَاء ساخطا عَلَيْهَا حَتَّى يرضى عَنْهَا زَوجهَا (أخرجه البُخَارِيّ وَمُسلم)
Abu Hurairah Radiallahu Anhu narrates that verily Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, “By that being in whose hand is my life, any man that invites his wife towards his bed and she refuses, then that Being that is in the heavens will be angry upon her, until her husband is pleased with her.”
These are indeed very stern warnings cited in the Ahadith, hence, our humble advice to your wife is that she overlooks the past and reconciles with you as soon as possible. You should try your best to please her as well by bringing her little gifts occasionally, and expressing love and affection towards her. Also, there is no harm if you apologize one more time so that the matter can be resolved. By doing so, both of you will enjoy a life of bliss and happiness filled with Barakah Insha’Allah.
ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Mohammed Desai
Date: 27 Jumadal Ukhra 1443 / 30 January 2022
