Question:-
I am inclined towards marrying a certain girl and my Istikhaarah is also positive. However, my parents disapprove of the girl as there was a rumor of her committing some errors in the past. What should I do in this situation? How can I convince my parents?
Answer:-
We understand from your query that you are inclined to make Nikah to this particular girl and your Istikhaarah also seems positive. However, you should bear in mind that you parents happiness and Duas are extremely important and play a vital role in your future success. Also, parents decisions in regards to their children’s matters generally turn out to be accurate. We therefore advise you to give preference to your parents decision in such matters.
However, at the same time your parents should realize that we as humans are all prone to err and falter in our matters. It was only the Ambiya Alaihimus Salaam that were Ma’soom, as they were protected by Allah Ta’ala. Besides them, all other human beings are regarded as sinful. The moment a person regrets over his actions and sincerely turns in repentance, he is crowned with the friendship of Allah Ta’ala. Thereafter, it is just a matter of treading the path carefully and correctly. Once a person is crowned with the friendship of Almighty, none have a right to grudge such a person or find fault due to his/her past life. Therefore, we should not be judgmental but rather be prepared to overlook the faults of others and, more importantly, focus on our own condition and errors.
Also, there is no guarantee that if you are to marry elsewhere then you will be marrying an angel. There, as well, will be some weakness or the other. The Quraan Sharif states, “If you dislike any of their qualities (i.e. wives) then perhaps you dislike one aspect whereas Allah Ta’ala has placed plenty of (other) good in her (such as the wife bearing beautiful children for her husband, or she being the means of abundance in livelihood, etc.) [Re:- Surah Nisaa Verse 19]
It from this verse of the Quraan Sharif that the scholars deduce a very important principle, and that is, you will never find any human being that is an embodiment of only good, nor will you find a human being that is an embodiment of only evil, rather every person has a mixture of both. We should therefore overlook the weaknesses and faults of people and admire their good. In conclusion, there is a possibility that this particular person may have repented for her past and reformed her life. Your parents should also make Istikhaarah in this matter and seek guidance from Allah Ta’ala. If everything seems positive and good, then they shouldn’t have any reservations because of a past error, and that, as you stated in your query, was merely a rumor and nothing more.
Yes, if they have a valid reason in preventing you because this person is still involved in some form of disobedience to Allah Ta’ala, or this person will possibly have a negative influence over you, or your parents fear non-compatibility between the two of you, etc. then we advise that you give preference to their decision over your desires and inclinations. May Allah Ta’ala guide you towards that which is best!
ALLAH TA’ALA KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Mohammed Desai
Date:- 28 Rabi-ul-Aakhir 1443 / 03 December 2021
