Controlling one’s anger

QUESTION:-

Sometimes I get angry and say very rude things which I regret after a few seconds. Please advise me as to how I can improve my character and become a better Muslim.

ANSWER:-

The condition which you are explaining stems from anger, and anger stems from pride. Due to regarding oneself as superior, one tends to become upset when one is not heard or obeyed. Always regard yourself as a servant of Allah Ta’ala who is in need of Allah’s forgiveness. By remembering this, one will try to control one’s self and not let anger get the upper hand over him.

Once Hadrat Abu Bakr Radiallahu Anhu was reprimanding his slave and cursed him, not knowing that Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam was listening to him. Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, “By the Rabb of the Ka’aba, one cannot curse and be a Siddique (one that is blessed with a high level of friendship with Allah).”

It is recorded in another narration, Abu Masood Ansari Radiallahu Anhu narrates that I was hitting my slave boy when suddenly I heard a voice from behind me, “Know O Abu Masood that Allah Ta’ala has more ability and power over you than you have over your slave.” When I turned around it was Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam. I said, “He is free for the pleasure of Allah O messenger of Allah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam.” Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, “If you didn’t do so, the fire of Jahannam would have enveloped or touched you.”

وعن ابى مسعود الأنصاري قال كنت اضرب غلاما لى فسمعت من خلفى صوتا اعلم أبا مسعود لله اقدر عليك منك عليه فالتفت فاذا هو رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقلت يا رسول الله هو حرّ لوجه الله تعالى فقال اما لو لم تفعل للفحتك النار او لمستك النار رواه مسلم

Similarly, on one occasion Hadrat Sheikh-ul-Hadith Maulana Muhammad Zakariyyah Saheb Rahimahullah was reprimanding his servant. The servant requested Hadrat to forgive him. Hadrat said, “How many times must I forgive you?” Hadrat Maulana Ilyaas Saheb Rahimahullah was listening to the discussion and whispered in the ears of Hadrat Sheikh Rahimahullah, “Forgive him as much as you want Allah Ta’ala to forgive you.”

In short, by contemplating of the power of Allah Ta’ala over us, and He being so tolerant in spite of our wrongs and shortcomings, one will become tolerant towards others.

Spend some time in the company of a Sheikh of Tasawwuf, and by doing so you will gain some level of control over your anger.

Always think, then speak. If someone really upsets you, recite Ta’awwuz and walk away. Drink some water, sit down if you are standing or lie down if you are sitting. These are things that will assist in calming down. Finally, seek forgiveness from those whom you had inconvenienced.

ALLAH TA’ALA ALONE IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST!

ANSWERED BY:-

Mufti Mohammed Desai

Date:-  21 Dhul Hijjah 1444 / 10 July 2023