QUESTION:
If a man asks his wife for food or anything of that sort during the early hours of the morning (2am or 3am), and she refuses to do so, will she be sinful?
Also, when a man is instructed to provide food for his wife, does this mean that he should provide the means, or an actual cooked meal?
ANSWER:
It is the duty of the wife (Diyaanatan) to cook for her husband and children. However, if she is not well, or newly married and still learning how to cook, then the husband cannot coerce her into cooking for the family. In this instance, he should arrange food for her until she recovers, or is able to cook. Yes, under normal circumstances, it is her duty to cook as Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam entrusted the internal matters of the house to Hadrat Fatima Radiallahu Anha, and the external matters to Hadrat Ali Radiallahu Anhu.
Now coming to your question, the husband should understand that the wife attends to the household chores during the day, and even attends to her husband and children throughout the day. She, too, is a human being after all and gets exhausted. Hence, requesting her to wake up and serve him at 2am is not a reasonable request.
If he is feeling hungry, then he should be able to make a sandwich and a cup of tea. Our pious predecessors never commanded their wives to do anything. The wives served their husbands due to their love for their spouses. Doctor Abdul Hay Saheb Aarifi Rahimahullah states that he never asked his wife for even a glass of water in 55 years of marriage, but his wife served him out of love for him. If he was tired, he would say, “Will anyone bring me some water?”, but he never commanded or instructed her to do anything.
After meals, Maulana Thanvi Rahimahullah would tell his wife to request someone such as the helper to clear the Dastarkhaan (cloth laid with food on the floor which is Sunnah), but he never instructed her to do it. This was the level of consideration that our seniors had for their wives.
Yes, if he is undertaking a business journey or travelling in the early hours of the morning, then the wife should serve him before departure, or if he is unwell and requires her assistance in the early hours of the morning, then she should serve him. These are exceptions to the norm, but waking her up in the early hours of the morning simply because he is feeling hungry is a sign of inconsideration. Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam had 9 wives in his Nikah at the time of his demise, yet he would mend his own clothing, milk the goats, etc. despite his wives being there to serve him. This was to teach the Ummah that they shouldn’t consider themselves as the superiors in the home, rather they should remain as servants of the home. Secondly, serving the occupants of home will breed humility, which is a quality loved by Allah Ta’ala.
ولو جاء الزوج بطعام يحتاج إلى الطبخ والخبز فأبت المرأة الطبخ والخبز يعني بأن تطبخ وتخبز لما روي أن رسول الله – صلى الله عليه وسلم – قسم الأعمال بين علي وفاطمة – رضي الله عنهما – فجعل أعمال الخارج على علي وأعمال الداخل على فاطمة – رضي الله عنهما – ولكنها لا تجبر على ذلك إن أبت ويؤمر الزوج أن يأتي لها بطعام مهيأ، ولو استأجرها للطبخ والخبز؛ لم يجز ولا يجوز لها أخذ الأجرة على ذلك؛ لأنها لو أخذت الأجرة لأخذتها على عمل واجب عليها في الفتوى فكان في معنى الرشوة فلا يحل لها الأخذ، وذكر الفقيه أبو الليث أن هذا إذا كان بها علة لا تقدر على الطبخ والخبز أو كانت من بنات الأشراف، فأما إذا كانت تقدر على ذلك وهي ممن تخدم بنفسها تجبر على ذلك (بدائع الصنائع ص24 ج4)
On the other hand, the wives should not use this as an excuse not to cook for their husbands and serve them. They should always be ready to serve them to the best of their ability, and should go out of their way to keep them pleased. The Hadith states, “If I were to command anyone to prostate before anyone, then I would have commanded the wife to prostate before the husband.” This clearly indicates that the husband holds a lofty position.
عَنْ غَيْلَانَ بْنِ سَلَمَةَ قَالَ: كُنَّا مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فِي سَفَرِهِ، فَقَالَ: لَوْ كُنْتُ آمِرًا أَحَدًا أَنْ يَسْجُدَ لِأَحَدٍ لَأَمَرْتُ الْمَرْأَةَ أَنْ تَسْجُدَ لِزَوْجِهَا (طبراني)
In conclusion, it is the duty of the husband to go out, earn, and provide for the wife, and it is the duty of the wife to take care of the household responsibilities (which includes cooking for him and his family as explained above). It is not the duty of the husband to cook and serve the wife, particularly when she is able to cook and attend to the household chores. Yes, it is Sunnah to assist her in fulfilling the household chores. We do hope that the above explanation clarifies the matter.
ALLAH TA’ALA ALONE IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Mohammed Desai
Date:- 10 Safar 1445 / 27 August 2023
