Fulfilling the conjugal rights of the wife

QUESTION:

In terms of the husband being unable to meet the wife’s conjugal demands

1. To what extent is he allowed to refuse his wife?

2. Is tiredness a valid excuse?

3. Is the wife allowed to force her husband into conjugal relations?

4. Is the husband allowed to stipulate that since he is tired, he is only willing to have conjugal relations if his needs are met but not his wife’s, due to him not having the necessary energy to please her (as her needs take longer to be met)?

ANSWER:

1. The husband has a right to request his wife to fulfil his desires whenever he wishes to be intimate with her, unless there is a valid reason that prevents her from intimacy, such as Haidh, Nifaas, being in a state of Ihraam, or, she is physically ill and unable to have relations due to weakness or pain, etc.

Similarly, the wife has a right to request the husband to be intimate and fulfil her needs. The husband being Halaal for her is her right, just as she being Halaal for him is his right. Hence, when she requests him to be intimate,. then it is obligatory upon him to fulfil her need at least once. Enjoying additional intimacy over and above this is obligatory because of enjoying a close relationship with each other, and to continue with the bond Nikah. However, this is a matter between him and Allah Ta’ala and not the law of Shariah according to some of the Hanafi scholars. In other words, if he does not wish to be intimate with her more than once, then it is not necessary for him to do so.

وللزوج أن يطالبها بالوطء متى شاء إلا عند اعتراض أسباب مانعة من الوطء كالحيض والنفاس والظهار والإحرام وغير ذلك، وللزوجة أن تطالب زوجها بالوطء؛ لأن حله لها حقها كما أن حلها له حقه، وإذا طالبته يجب على الزوج، ويجبر عليه في الحكم مرة واحدة والزيادة على ذلك تجب فيما بينه، وبين الله تعالى من باب حسن المعاشرة واستدامة النكاح، فلا يجب عليه في الحكم عند بعض أصحابنا، وعند بعضهم يجب عليه في الحكم. (بدائع الصنائع ص331 ج2)

2. If the husband is genuinely tired and unable to fulfil the wife’s need, then intimacy may be postponed to a later stage such as the next day, or when he is in a better position to do so. However, the excuse of tiredness cannot always be  to refuse used her conjugal rights, particularly when he is a position to be intimate.

3. The husband holds a lofty position in Shariah to the extent that the Hadith states, if one was commanded to make Sajdah to anyone then the wife would have been commanded to make Sajdah to her husband. Hence, she should request her right and leave the matter to him. At no stage should any form of disrespect be displayed in demanding her right of intimacy.

لو أمرت أحدا أن يسجد لأحد لأمرت المرأة أن تسجد لزوجها من عظم حقه عليها ولا تجد امرأة حلاوة الإيمان حتى تؤدي حق زوجها  (الدر المنثور ص397 ج4)

4. Both partners have desires and each one should strive to fulfil the desire of the other partner. Merely being concerned of one’s needs only and ignoring the needs of the other partner is an indication of selfishness.

ALLAH TA’ALA ALONE IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST!

ANSWERED BY:

Maulana Ebrahim Ahmed

Date:- 15 Muharram 1445 / 03 August 2023

CHECKED AND APPROVED BY:

Mufti Mohammed Desai Saheb