Advice For Unmarried Female
Q1. A family has expressed an interest in coming to see me with the intention of marriage. After enquiring about the family, we learned that the boy’s family is from India. Is this valid grounds for us to reject their interest?
A1. Firstly, it is not correct to merely reject someone on the basis of them being from India. In actual fact, all our forefathers and grand parents were from India as well. This is not a valid Shari’ee reason. Yes, if the person comes from such a category who is not on the same standing or compatibility, then one’s parents will have the right to refuse the proposal.
وَتُعْتَبَرُ الْكَفَاءَةُ في الْحُرِّيَّةِ وَالْإِسْلَامِ في حَقِّ الْعَجَمِ لِأَنَّهُمْ كَانُوا يَفْتَخِرُونَ بِهِمَا دُونَ النَّسَبِ هَكَذَا في التَّبْيِينِ —–وَمِنْهَا الْكَفَاءَةُ في الْمَالِ وهو أَنْ يَكُونَ مَالِكًا لِلْمَهْرِ وَالنَّفَقَةِ وهو الْمُعْتَبَرُ في ظَاهِرِ الرِّوَايَةِ حتى أَنَّ من لَا يَمْلِكُهُمَا أو لَا يَمْلِكُ أَحَدَهُمَا لَا يَكُونُ كُفْئًا كَذَا في الْهِدَايَةِ ——وَمِنْهَا الدَّيَّانَةُ تُعْتَبَرُ الْكَفَاءَةُ في الدَّيَّانَةِ وَهَذَا قَوْلُ أبي حَنِيفَةَ وَأَبِي يُوسُفَ رَحِمَهُمَا اللَّهُ تَعَالَى وهو الصَّحِيحُ كَذَا في الْهِدَايَةِ فَلَا يَكُونُ الْفَاسِقُ كُفْئًا لِلصَّالِحَةِ كَذَا في الْمَجْمَعِ سَوَاءٌ كان مُعْلَنَ الْفِسْقِ أو لم يَكُنْ كَذَا في الْمُحِيطِ —-ثُمَّ الْكَفَاءَةُ تُعْتَبَرُ عِنْدَ ابْتِدَاءِ النِّكَاحِ وَلَا يُعْتَبَرُ اسْتِمْرَارُهَا بَعْدَ ذلك حتى لو تَزَوَّجَهَا وهو كُفْءٌ ثُمَّ صَارَ فَاجِرًا دَاعِرًا لَا يُفْسَخُ النِّكَاحُ كَذَا في السِّرَاجِ الْوَهَّاجِ (الفتاوي الهندية – باب الخامس في الاكفاء)
Secondly, in our opinion, Istikhaarah should be made after the boy and girl see each other. Once they will see each other, they will be able to make an informed decision, on the basis that they may or may not feel some physical attraction.
Furthermore, it is the desire of every young woman who is of marriageable age to get married to the most suitable, compatible, kind and loving husband. However, everyone in this world has their own challenge. A woman who’s married may have marital problems. If she does not have marital problems, she may desire children but perhaps she is barren. This is her test. She may have the best husband and have the most beautiful children but perhaps her children may become a means of test for her. In essence, where will it stop. So, ultimately Allah Ta’ala knows what is best for you and when it is best for you. This is what the Quraan echoes:
وعسى أن تكرهوا شيئًا وهو خير لكم وعسى أن تحبوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَم وَأَنتُمْ لَا
تعلمون ( البقرة آ 216)
“Perhaps you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and perhaps you love a thing while it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know.”
Q2. I have been desirous of getting married for several years now but potential suitors are hard to come by. I have been reading and practicing on various Wazifahs and A’maal but I feel like desperation is setting in. Please advise.
A2. Yes, it is natural to feel moments of sadness, loneliness, or uncertainty about the future, but know well that such feelings do not diminish your faith, nor do they mean that Allah Ta’ala has forgotten you. Rather, every stage of life carries its own tests and its own opportunities to gain closeness to Allah Ta’ala.
Sometimes what we long for is delayed by the wisdom of Allah Ta’ala, and not by His neglect. Allah Ta’ala alone knows the right time, the right person, and the right circumstances far better than we do.
Allah Ta’ala says in the Quraan:
إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
“After every difficulty there is ease.”
Rasulullah Sallahu Alaihi Wasallam taught us that every difficulty a believer faces becomes a means of purification and elevation:
عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ الْخُدْرِيِّ، وَأَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ: مَا يُصِيبُ الْمُسْلِمَ مِنْ نَصَبٍ، وَلاَ وَصَبٍ، وَلاَّهَمٍّ، وَلاَ حَزَنٍ، وَلاَ أَذًى، وَلاَ غَمٍّ، حَتَّى الشَّوْكَةُ يُشَاكُهَا، إِلاَّ كَفَّرَ اللَّهُ بِهَا مِنْ خَطَايَاهُ
“No fatigue, illness, anxiety, sorrow, harm, or distress befalls a Muslim—even the prick of a thorn—except that Allah Ta’ala expiates some of his sins because of it.” (Ṣaḥiḥ Bukhari)
Your patience, modesty, and commitment to remaining within the boundaries of Islam are acts of great honour. In a time when many compromise their principles, remaining steadfast and away from sins such as talking to non-Mahram boys (cousins, etc.) is in itself a very noble quality.
Allah Ta’ala is watching your restraint, your Dua, and the sincerity of your heart. Rasulullah Sallahu Alaihi Wasallam also said:
وعن أبي يحيى صهيب بن سنان رضي الله عنه قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم “عجبا لأمر المؤمن إن أمره كله له خير، وليس ذلك لأحد إلا للمؤمن : إن أصابته سراء شكر فكان خيراً له، وإن أصابته ضراء صبر فكان خيراً له” (رواه مسلم).
“How wonderful is the affair of the believer! All of his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing happens to him, he is grateful and that is good for him. If something harmful happens to him, he is patient and that is good for him.”
Continue to turn to Allah Ta’ala in supplication, for He says:
وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ
“And your Rabb said, Call upon Me, I will respond to you.” (Qur’ān 40:60)
Ask Him for what is best for you in this life and the next. If marriage is good for your Dīn and Dunya, He will open its doors in a way you may never have imagined. And if He delays it, know that every moment of patience is being recorded with Him.
In the meantime, fill your life with beneficial pursuits such as strengthening your connection with the Qur’ān, serving others, seeking knowledge, and growing closer to Allah Ta’ala and don’t keep your mind idle.
We have also attached a link below for a Wazifah which has proved to be very beneficial for receiving a good proposal. You may practise upon it as well.
Wazifah For A Good Proposal
May Allah bless you with what is best for you, Aameen!
ALLAH TA’ALA ALONE IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Mufti Abdul Kader Fazlani
Date: 10 Shawwaal 1447 / 30 March 2026
CHECKED AND APPROVED BY:
Mufti Yacoob Vally Saheb