Naseehah for Newlyweds

QUESTION:

Please advise on how a couple should lead their “newly-married” stage of life in the manner which is pleasing to Allah Ta’ala?

ANSWER:

In principle, marriage in Islam is a sacred bond established by Allah Ta’ala to bring about love, mercy, and tranquility between husband and wife. The early stage of marriage—often called the “newly-married” stage—is an especially important time where the couple sets the tone for their relationship and long-term values. Leading this phase in a manner that pleases Allah Ta’ala is not only beneficial in this world, but also a means of earning reward in the Hereafter. In addition to the above, marriage in Islam is not just a personal or emotional commitment; it is an act of worship (‘Ibaadah) when carried out with sincere intention and in accordance with the teachings of Allah Ta’ala and His Messenger Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam. For a couple to live in a way that is pleasing to Allah Ta’ala, they must strive to align their relationship with the principles laid out in the Qur’an and Sunnah.

We have briefly outlined a few principles which should be considered not only when the couple are newly-married, but, for their entire lives thereafter.

1. Every marriage should primarily be initiated with the intention to please Allah Ta’ala, save one’s self from the overpowering of vice and evil, and to create a spiritual safe haven which should be rooted in Islamic principles for the offspring that are to come. Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam is reported to have said:

إِنَّمَا الأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ

“Actions are judged by intentions.”

So, if from the beginning, the intention of Nikah is correct, then one can expect a harmonious married life later on, and adhering to the laws of Shariah will be a breeze.

2. A key point to the success of any marriage is for each spouse to show kindness, love, and mercy to the other, even at the advent of any disagreements. The benefit of this is, that whenever either one of the spouses wishes to correct the other upon something contrary to Shariah that they have perpetrated, the spouse will gladly listen because he/she knows that their spouse only has their best interests at heart. Allah Ta’ala says in the Quraan Majeed:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً

“And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.”

(Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)

3. From the very inception of marriage, one should encourage their spouse to practice righteous actions which are pleasing to Allah Ta’ala. This catalyzes a great amount of love and Barakah entering the home. Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam is reported to have said:

رَحِمَ اللَّهُ رَجُلًا قَامَ مِنَ اللَّيْلِ فَصَلَّى، وَأَيْقَظَ امْرَأَتَه فان ابت نضح في وجهها الماء. رحم الله

امرأة قامت من الليل فصلت وأيقظت زوجها فإن أبى نضحت في وجهه الماء.

“May Allah have mercy on a man who gets up at night to pray and wakes his wife; if she refuses, he should sprinkle some water onto her face. May Allah have mercy upon a woman who gets up at night to pray and wakes her husband; if he refuses, she should sprinkle some water onto his face.”

(Sunan Abi Dawood, 1308)

4. Among the most important components of a marriage, and any relationship in general, is good Akhlaaq. A person can be how qualified he wants to be with endless degrees to his name, but if he/she cannot show their spouse Akhlaaq (leave alone everyone else), then all those titles mean nothing in front of his name. On the flip side, if Akhlaaq is found, then this would be a definite aid and make it much easier to instill within our marriages the teachings of Shariah. Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam is reported to have said:

خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي

“The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.”

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 3895)

5. A marriage cannot be a union in the true sense of the word if there is no privacy and trust between the spouses. Spouses need to keep whatever happens in the home between them. When this will take place over the years, then trust will be built between them, resulting in a recurring place of refuge whenever the temptations of Nafs and Shaytaan raise their ugly heads. Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam is reported to have said:

إِنَّ مِنْ أَشَرِّ النَّاسِ عِندَ اللَّهِ مَنْزِلَةً يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ الرَّجُلُ يُفْضِي إِلَى امْرَأَتِهِ وَتُفْضِي إِلَيْهِ ثُمَّ يَنْشُرُ سِرَّهَا

“Among the worst people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is a man who has intimacy with his wife and then publicizes it.”

(Sahih Muslim, 1437)

6. The last principle, but one of the most important of them, is to be grateful to Allah Ta’ala, and then to your spouse, for everything that they do for us. By practicing on this, one will firstly learn to value their spouse no matter what the situation may be, and, secondly, one will see the increase of Barakaat in their marriage with their own eyes. If a person is heedless of this last principle, then, Allah forbid, it shouldn’t be that Allah takes away the spouse, resulting in that barrier between us and vice being lifted. Consequently, a person will find it very difficult to protect themselves from Fitnah later on. Allah Ta’āla says in the Quran Majeed:

لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ

“If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favour].”

(Surah Ibrahim, 14:7)

ALLAH TA’ALA ALONE IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST!

ANSWERED BY:

Mufti Abdur Rahman Abdur Razak

Date: 04 Dhul Qa’dah 1446 / 03 May 2025

CHECKED AND APPROVED BY:

Mufti Yacoob Vally Saheb