QUESTION:
Please expound on the boundaries Shariah has set regarding a husband reprimanding the wife? Some men have a temperament where they are vulgar and insulting towards the wife, and this can have an adverse effect on her.
ANSWER:
It is totally incorrect and unacceptable for the husband to verbally abuse the wife. In a narration of Abu Dawud Sharif, Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam has prohibited one from uttering nasty and humiliating words to the wife. In fact, we are taught to show love and affection towards the wife. She is the one that cooks for us, cleans the home, takes care of our children, etc.
Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, “The believers with the most complete Imaan are those with the best character. The best amongst you are those that are good towards their wives.” [Riyadh-us-Saaliheen] Another narration states, “Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam was not shameless, nor did he use obscene language. He used to say, “The best amongst you are those with the best character.” [Bukhari/Muslim]
Good character will be most weighty on the scales on the day of Qiyaamah. Allah Ta’ala has honoured every human being, hence it is not permissible to mock, belittle, defame, backbite, etc. about other human beings. The wife is also a human being and deserves the best treatment possible. The husband would not like his daughter to be abused by his son-in-law. Similarly, his wife is also the daughter of someone and should be treated well. Yes, we agree that the wife is not an angel and is prone to err just as every male is not an angel and prone to err. She should be corrected in a good and kind manner, instead of being insulting and derogatory towards her.
The Quraan Sharif states, “If it were not for Allah’s grace on you and His mercy none of you would ever be pure (from sin and spiritual maladies). [Surah Noor, Verse 21] This is a clear indication that only Allah can correct the evil traits and habits of a person. Firstly, one should realize that he is suffering from an illness. Treating others with disrespect and harshness is against the teachings of Shariah, hence it is an illness that requires treatment. It is recorded in a narration that a person that is deprived of softness is deprived of all good, while other narrations refer to such a person as an “unfortunate” person. Thereafter, one should seek guidance from some spiritual mentor and beg Allah Ta’ala to cure him from the illness. At the same time, he should humble himself and seek forgiveness from the wife for his abuse over the years.
In conclusion, verbally abusing the wife is totally unacceptable in Shariah. In fact, the wife should be treated as the queen of the home.
عَنْ حَكِيمِ بْنِ مُعَاوِيَةَ الْقُشَيْرِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، قَالَ: قُلْتُ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، مَا حَقُّ زَوْجَةِ أَحَدِنَا عَلَيْهِ؟، قَالَ: «أَنْ تُطْعِمَهَا إِذَا طَعِمْتَ، وَتَكْسُوَهَا إِذَا اكْتَسَيْتَ، أَوِ اكْتَسَبْتَ، وَلَا تَضْرِبِ الْوَجْهَ، وَلَا تُقَبِّحْ، وَلَا تَهْجُرْ [ص:245] إِلَّا فِي الْبَيْتِ»، قَالَ أَبُو دَاوُدَ: ” وَلَا تُقَبِّحْ أَنْ تَقُولَ: قَبَّحَكِ اللَّهُ ” (أبو داود)
عن عبد الله بن عمرو بن العاص رضي الله عنهما قال: (لم يكن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فاحشاً ولا متفحشاً، وكان يقول: إن من خياركم أحسنكم أخلاقا) متفق عليه.
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه أيضاً قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: أكمل المؤمنين إيماناً أحسنهم خلقاً، وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم. (رياض الصالحين)
ALLAH TA’ALA ALONE IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST!
ANSWERED BY:
Maulana Abdul Kader Fazlani
Date: – 26 Rabi ul Awwal 1445 / 12 October 2023
CHECKED AND APPROVED BY:
Mufti Mohammed Desai Saheb
